either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
