kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
