I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Screwed.edu
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
