is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
