I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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