bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
