Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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