Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
