I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
NoShamevember. You game?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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