it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
