Do you still have your period?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
