nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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