Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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