Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize