She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
