Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize