Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
