If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
