Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
