Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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