maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
