I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You've changed since you got that strap on
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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