why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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