so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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