i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
