I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize