I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
