This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I need to stop coming to work sober
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
