Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
