wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize