I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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