I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize