Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
