I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and she was petting her beer can
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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