I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
