dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
