And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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