During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
