Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
