It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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