paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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