every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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