now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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