You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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