My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
