My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
