I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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