that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't want my vagina anymore.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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