We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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