i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
