we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
