Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I intend to get homeless drunk
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
