i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
