you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
