A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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