My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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