I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
