i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
