I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
