I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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