Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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