had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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