i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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