I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
