the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
