his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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